American Footballers feature heavily and help her walk sideways on a wall.
She is strutting around in a leotard looking amazing much to the Daily Mail’s horror.
Her hair is fantastic.
But what is the most brilliant thing of all is that she’s not done something “outrageous” to try and outdo our current flock of young, female pop stars who have been touted as knocking Madonna from the Queen of Pop throne. She’s not reacted in the way we may have suspected she could have done after a slightly curt appearance on the Graham Norton show.
She’s just done something really fun. And most importantly, really good.
It’s not try hard, it’s not aggressive, there’s no crotch-grabbing, crucifix-humping shock antics. She’s played it brilliantly well. She’s just being an excellent pop star. But of course she would. We shouldn’t expect anything less.
A perfect hour to soundtrack your last minute tax bill, or maybe the ironing or cooking tonight’s tea. It’s totally up to you what you do when you listen, we aren’t going to judge.
Human Nature by Michael Jackson is a hybrid of soft rock and rnb. Soft rock because it was penned by two Toto members, namely Steve Porcaro and John Bettis, how else do you think Jackson got that smooth sound? Sure he was a musical wizard and had Quincy Jones on board, but you either born with the smoothness or you get two of Toto in to help you out. And that is how they came to work together. Shall we listen to it? Ok
This smoothness has been searched out by many a star and with no luck, they’ve just robbed it by sampling or covering said number.
The most well known of the sampled versions is SWV’s 1993 track Right Here which was a a smash hit. The video sees the Sisters With Voices wear the same clothes as each other enjoying outdoor pursuits such as horse riding,fishing, standing on a beach next to each other in the same cut off shorts etc. It also features a child halfway up a wall playing a drum. Not sure if there is a hidden meaning in that, but frankly it just looks a little cruel and dangerous.
Blackstreet sampled it on their track Why Why.
Why why indeed. It’s the usual “oh girl” type slow rnb wail that no one ever requested. It must be hard for Blackstreet as nothing they ever do will be as good No Diggity ever again. Soz Blackstreet, tough love and all that.
A rare cover next from saxophonist George Howard. Yes we’ve never heard of him either! But google provides you with facts which makes you appear quite knowledgeable and clever you know. Anyway, this is from his album Stepping Out which also contains a saxophone cover of Sweet Dreams by the Eurythmics. This is the kind of thing that makes the world better. There’s not enough sensitive brass pop covers around.
The late Aaliyah sampled it on Journey to the Past a song we would elaborate on further were it not so insipid that it drains us of all energy to type further. It’s like eating a very dry cake – overbaked, mealy and devoid of any joy via the welcome clag of buttercream. Mmm tuck in!
Our final version is from Chris Brown the rnb current chart star who slapped Rhianna about a bit. He sampled the SWV track AND Jacko’s version, which is effectively just copying two people’s homework and passing it off as your own. Boo, gerroff Chris Brown. Get your own ideas! And don’t hit women!
So what have we learned from this exercise? Well, it has inspired a lot of rubbish songs, but on the plus side we have discovered the delights of George Howard who covers pop tracks on the sax. So not a waste of time! Oh that’s good.
St Etienne: we thought Sarah was smoking a pipe in this picture, but she’s just holding a biro. Suppose it’s better to promote stationery than poor lung health.
Praise be, for St Etienne are back! And even better than that, their new track is available for FREE (!) on their website.
And to top it all off, it’s produced by Xenomania AND Richard X mixed it! That’s too many good things to be still here reading our rubbish.
In Beyonce’s Love on Top video, she sports a rather large and naval themed hat. Look here it is:
However, we don’t think it’s official uniform for any of the defence forces. Firstly because you could probably get thrown in jail for wearing the uniform without having been in the forces and secondly, them medals look like they’re made of tin. Sorry. And it possibly is just a “practice hat” for when she dons a top hat for later and it gets all glam.
Not enough pop stars wear a hat, but thankfully those that do wear them with panache. Let’s look at hats in pop through the ages.
One million years ago, the Captain of Captain and Tennille was a pioneer of the er, Captain’s hat:
L-R: Captain and Tennille (just to be clear)
But then he had to as he was a Captain and thems the rules if you’re going to commandeer a ship.
In the 80s, Boy George took charge of the headgear when he emerged fully hatted up with Culture Club:
He’s since never looked back and regularly wears the same style of hat – often crafted by milliners to the stars Stephen Jones and Phillip Treacy - but in different colours. Look here they are in green and red and with a FACE on it:
This is our favourite. Because it’s got a face on it.
Grace Jones likes a hat on her bonce too. Hers are usually quite spectacular but that’s hardly surprising: she’s Grace Jones, it is to be expected. Here are a few of her greatest hat hits:
She wore this on her last tour with a spotlight on it so it became a disco ball-come-bowler. City gents, take note.
Like she’s used loads of gel on her mohican. But dead neatly
Danger spike
A Zebra / superhero hybrid. A Good Thing.
Chris Lowe from the Pet Shop Boys has always worn a hat. Usually just a baseball cap or a beanie, but hat none the less:
But that’s just standard day wear. For more special occasions, they like to stand out a little:
Yeah, that ought to do it lads.
Slash from Guns N Roses has worn a top hat on and off throughout his career but then Axl went nut nut and sacked the band. Keeping the tradition of a hat wearing member of the band going, the current the lead guitarist in GNR is Bucket Head. Why’s he called that? Because he wears a bucket on his head:
Bucket Head. He’s great with kids.
Bringing us up to the current day, Cheryl Cole launched her solo career with the assistance of a hat, but like Beyonce chose a military one and again from an imaginary armed force. Maybe it’s a secret pop army that we don’t know about but these are coded symbolic hats that they wear to pass messages on to each other. In Cheryl’s case, we don’t think the trousers in the outfit were part of the code. If they were it probably meant “ABORT! ABORT! MISSION ABORT! SERIOUSLY! ABORT RIGHT NOW! DANGER TROUSERS IN OPERATION!”:
Cheryl with hat and terror trews
There is only one queen of the hat these days and that of course is Gaga. Yes we know everyone says she just copied Grace / Madonna / someone’s Nan, but come on, even if she does, she does it very well. Most of us couldn’t come up with such supreme feats of music / fashion / hat had we been off our pipes on space drugs for nine days. Maybe she was, but the fact she did it anyway means she wins. All hail the hat!
That rings a bell. HAHAHAHAHA etc
Not strictly a hat, but it’s a diamante Lobster on her head therefore is included.
